To be honest...

I do realise that this blog doesn’t really help anyone cook at all. In all honesty it’s totally pointless. But I love to see someone fail and I hope that other people do too. If anyone is as crap a cook as me I think that it’s slightly heartening to realise that you’re not the only one who has no idea how to baste, sauté or caramelise and who doesn’t own a food processor. And it’s easy to get incredibly frustrated and feel like a tit when even the (seemingly) simplest of recipes go wrong.

So while I’m here I thought I’d tell you how a couple of the things I have made turned out after I wrote about them.

First off is Turkish delight. My post on this makes it seem as if it worked. It didn’t. I took that batch to my ex-boyfriend’s and he bravely tried a chunk. Rather than being deliciously springy the sugar had crystallised I think and it had gone all crunchy. The tub I brought it in was still full, sitting on his table a few weeks later.

I tried again, this time spending aeons letting the sugar dissolve before adding the gelatine. This seemed to work and I took it in to work to see what the boys thought. Zoo’s entertainment editor was the only person to try any and when he bit in to it rather than having the consistency of a Jelly Baby it was far too soft. While this is a marked improvement on stalactites of sugar it still needs some work. Which I think I may do tonight.

Next up are the flapjacks. The day after I put that post up I came home from work and attempted to remove them from the tray. They were rock solid. Harder than a drunk 15-year-old from Romford. Trying to get them free resulted in a lot of swearing and banging of the upturned baking tray against the kitchen top. When they finally swooshed free there was a thick, greasy layer of yellow Anchor butter on the bottom. It was foul. Though that didn’t stop me chipping bits off the top to angrily chew. I said I would try these a third time but I definitely won’t be using this recipe; Delia’s or my changes to the weights.

I am usually the sort of person who gives up as soon as something goes slightly wrong. Though - apart from the cheesecake and the orange and ginger ‘biscuits’ which made me cry - I have been quite calm when I mess up in the kitchen, vowing to give it another go until I get it right (not the flapjacks). I have lots of ideas about branching out and cooking interesting things but always seem to end up baking as I’m picky and my only taster, Mummy Duggers, doesn’t eat meat. But I am hoping to start spending most weekends cooking something new for friends. And if it does go wrong then I can at least say I tried.